I adore blond boys

And despise blond men

They bring me to hell and back again

The light hearted fancy of a blond young thing

Can set a woman’s heart to sing

But when the world turns upside down

A blond fool will bring a frown

Fancy the cute and fancy the fool

And fancy the young man that will make you drool

But in the harsh cold light of day

Fancy silly boys sould go away

Hello,
Allow me to introduce myself,
I am your 4:00 in the morning girl.
Whatever you need at 4:00AM,
Well that's what I'm here for
a shoulder
a shout
a warm embrace
a place to crash
a vein
a leg or two
wrapped tightly around you
a fix
a kick in the ass
yes, here I am.
More of you
less of me.
My purpose is apparent
the forever 4:00AM girl.
By 6:00AM my very existence fades;
my form becomes translucent
and I disappear into a faint memory,
until needed again
at 4:00AM

How alone can one person feel?

Can we walk among millions and feel isolated always?

Obviously.. I can...

No one gets it... no one understand...

I am so alone I do not know if I am suprised or not suprised.

only a cold dead body
can make me see life as love
only a cold dead body
can make me see life as worth living
only a cold dead body
could wake me from perpetual sleep
how dare you die
how dare you open my eyes with your lifelessness
i hate you death
i hate that you can teach me these things
i hate that in the middle of my sorrow and grief
you speak to me
speak to me of love
and life
and purpose
and forgiveness
i hate that in life i loved you so

To have my soul feed upon my flesh’s desire
Where I breathe passion
Where I devourer emotion
Where I lose myself in ecstasy
If only for a moment
Like a flash of light
That feeling; that life
The shallow, the physical
It brings me tears and heartache
But not of guilt
Or remorse
Or sin
Tears only when I return
To the life without

I've been away too long
I've hidden myself behind the vail
Vail of commitment
Vail of responsibility
Vail of lies

Translucent and thin
All see through it
So why lie
Why deny the woman behind the vail

I wait
I want
I long

I could be a spy in the house of love
I choose not to be

but i do not know why

yeah, my sis found my other blog.

and she read the all the truth I wrote about her.

have you evern known an emotional vampire?

Someone who sucks the life out of you.

I deleted the post about her. I had to, for the sake of my father.

But some day, I will write the book, I will tell all and she can take me to court, and i dont care.

Because she if a fucking manipualive bitch. She hates the fact that I am loved. And I have a family outside of her. And at this point I dont even fucking care... except for Grandma.

You see... Grandma made me promise to not fight with my sister... the only thing is she never charged my sister with the same promis.

yep, sucks to be me.

ok... i feel better now... if feel better than james brown

come
rest you head
lay down a while
let me hold you
let me make it all right
let me give you the things they couldn't
they cant
forget your day
in my arms
forget fear
right here
don't let the world in now
it will be there tomorrow
for now
just lay here awhile
feel at home

Why should I even bother to speak

So what if I say what I feel

You turn my words against me

You act like they are knives and spears and bullets

But they are only my words

My worlds about me and how I perceive things

Don't you get it

Its not about you

It never was

I am selfish

I am egotistical

It is all about me

always

but I wont bother to tell you

because in your mind, it was never about me,

it was always all about you

My dreams seem to make it all clear

My dreams iluminate the situation

Sexual tension

That is what I want

I want to feel the anticipation again

I want to resist you

And then give into us

its gone forever

how can I go on

the monring you left
you turned toward me

there was no kiss
no good bye
only a smile

"see ya' around"
I nodded my head in agreement

you never said goodbye
and so
you've never really left
a part of you is here always

if i could have picked
that last moment
the last memory
it would be
just as it was

a tip of your hat
the tug of the door behind you
and the thought
that i might see you around

don't be so vein to think
that my sinfulnessand my desires are wrapped up in you

do be so ridicules to thinkthat my sinister lust
longs for your touch

you think be cause i need
that my need is of you, for you

and if i choose to wrap my legs around someone
and burn
why should i choose you

what gives you the right to believe
that you are all that

how could you possibly be
anything to me

For you it is comfort
familiar
safe
warm

For me it is growth
exotic
danger
storm

And so we ride the waves
Travel the roads
Spend our days

And so we live our lives
Together forever
But my soul is deprived

Freedom is to be free of poverty
to be free of illness
to be free of hunger
to be free of fear

Freedom is the ability to be yourself
the ability to view the world
the ability to acquire knowledge
the ability to drop to your knees in thanksgiving
the ability to rise up against injustice

Freedom is dance
is movement
is music
is prose
is art
is difficult
is a right

Freedom is my responsibility

The choreography of life

Forward two steps
Your partner follows

Move in as a close as you can
And your partner turns away

We spin
Get dizzy
We jump
And are tired
We dance
And hurt
Wonder when
The dance will end


The steps of life
The choreography of love
The pain of continuing
You’re body aches
And you wish to stop
But if you don’t dance
Someone else will
So you go on

And in the end
Who choreographed all
Who laid out your steps
Who watched
Who waited their turn
to dance with you
and does it matter
as we spin and fall
does it matter
that we danced at all

And now the time has come
to drape in colors of the sun
in red and gold
my life unfolds

You thought my luster
was full and green
now you know
I am more than I seem

For a short while
the demure child
is wild

Bending in the breeze
I pretend to be naive
But I know the intention
of the north winds descension

She undresses me
Teasing touching
stripping ripping
layer after layer
til' nothing's there

Leaving me naked
exposed
my true form unfolds

Waiting now
for the first night
to be dressed
in a gown of white

there is not way to get drunk enough to kill the pain
and not get sicker than I already am

and as we lie there

you say,

i just want you to be happy

you not the first to say it

just this week

so many have asked me

are you

are you happy

what than

what is it

what stirs your soul

and i tell you what it will take

what really makes me happy

others are willing

but it is you I desire

and you ask

if can I can be happy

by just being comfortable

listening to the words

i know you can

i know i can't

and who would had thought

a small bit of pillow talk

could reveal so much

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